Monthly Archives: February 2012

Regrets, I’ve had a few…

Like about five seconds after posting my last entry.

What was I thinking putting such first draft work out there in the public domain? Chapter two has already changed so much since that first draft version, and to be honest, I’ve hardly been working on it. What’s with all the rhetorical questions in it? (See what I did there?) I’ve worked hard to get them out as I find them annoying.

I’ll continue to post first draft work as it comes, cause what the fuck else am I gonna put on here?

Round about now is the time when I start second guessing everything I’ve written so far. The girl’s not morbid enough, the boy’s not scary enough. How do you write characters that are basically sociopaths, but then have them fall in love with each other? Isn’t the whole point of sociopaths that they don’t have emotions? So, are they just weird kids that have an overly complicated fascination with death? I like the beginning, but not the most recent bits so am I heading the wrong way? And what’s with all the rhetorical questions?

I figure what I have to do is keep at it. If I start second guessing everything I’ve done so far I will stunt myself from being able to go further. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my research into SNS it’s that the best thing to do is just keep writing til you get to then end, then you have to go back and sift through all the shit to find a nugget of gold.

And then write it again…

And again…

*sigh*

I’ve been asked to come and read some of my work at the library for an International Women’s Day event. The only readings I’ve ever done were from my first book, but I feel so removed from it these days that it would be strange to read from it now. Plus, I find it incredibly cringe-worthy. Talk about regrets.
I was talking to some of my students at a reading I organized for them (I think it’s really important to be able to read your own stuff in front of an audience if you’re a writer). They were saying how it’s hard to know when you’ve finished a piece because they keep finding things to change. I told them, it’s always like that. At some point (like when it goes to print) you have to accept that it’s done, but you’ll always find things in it you regret, or you wish you could change. I don’t even look at my first book anymore, it’s so littered with those bits.

So, I certainly can’t read from it. I’ve decided to read the beginning (still very first draft-y) section of the new novel…

We’ll see if I end up regretting it…